


Action Required to Connect

by sallysorrell



Category: IT Crowd
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Dorks in Love, E-mail, Epistolary, F/M, M/M, Nerdiness, OT3, Other, Pre-OT3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-25 17:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2630234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallysorrell/pseuds/sallysorrell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the flag that keeps popping up in the corner of Jen's screen, when the Internet fails her.  It's what she wails to Roy, then to Moss, until one of them gives in and stops to tap the modem a few times.<br/>It's what they all tell themselves, as they feel so clever leaving the other two alone, snickering and shutting the door. <br/>It's definitely work, getting three people together, that's for sure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Film?

“I’m just having trouble dealing with the fact that the last person who kissed me was _Moss_.”

“Are you really?” was Moss’s contribution, just barely scooting his chair away from his desk.

Jen, meanwhile, stood and stumbled away from the couch.

“Oh my god, really?  When was that?”

“Forty-four days ago,” Moss said.  After catching Roy’s glare, he added, “I think.”

* * *

NO SUBJECT

ROY TRENNEMAN  
TO:  MAURICE MOSS

Hey, man.  Thanks for absolutely nothing.

You don’t _have_ to answer everything Jen asks you, alright?  Could you imagine if _I_ did that?  I could never take a lunch.

All I’m saying is you don’t have to talk about it.  Like if anyone else were to ask you, you just wouldn’t bring it up.  I think enough people around here have heard you call me your wife before, and I don’t think we need to give them anything else to think about.  And it’s not like it’s the first time this has happened.  

Anyway, are we still on for that film tonight?  And don’t you dare say we’re stagnating, because I went ahead and invited Jen as well.

R

 

RE: NO SUBJECT (Please put a subject)

MAURICE MOSS  
TO:  ROY TRENNEMAN

I was only trying to be helpful; I like Jen.

I won’t bring it up elsewhere, I promise.  Unless the conversation requires it.

As much as I like Jen - which is a lot - I’m not sure she’d enjoy tonight’s programming.  “Switch, or ditch?” as they say…?

Moss

 

RE: (I don’t put subjects when it’s just you, Moss.  You know that.)

ROY TRENNEMAN  
TO:  MAURICE MOSS

No conversation will ever require it, _I_ promise.

Never heard anyone say that, either…  just go on and ask her.  I’ve already sent her my one email for the day, and she didn’t respond.  She’s even worse with the PC than with the laptop...

R

 

MOVIE NIGHT PLANS

MAURICE MOSS  
TO:  JEN BARBER  
CC:  ROY TRENNEMAN

We were planning on watching an older movie, but Roy hasn’t seen it yet.  I don’t know if you’d enjoy it, but it’d be handy to have you nearby (Roy: stop reading here) when the ending rolls around as it is a bit of a tear-jerker.

If that doesn’t sound like your ‘cup of tea’, we can do tea and board games at my place instead.

And I did _warn_ you not to read it, Roy.  I did.

As always,

Moss

 

RE:  MOVIE NIGHT PLANS

JEN BARBER  
TO:  MAURICE MOSS

What film, Moss?  I doubt I’ll have _any_ interest, but sure.  

Seven alright?  I wanted to take at least an hour off from you two.

Ta,

Jen Barber  
IT Relationship Manager

 

RE:  MOVIE NIGHT PLANS

MAURICE MOSS  
TO:  JEN BARBER

7:00 is perfect.  We know you like to have a break.

Bring whatever you like, in the way of snacks.  That way we’ll have everything ready for you next time.

Moss

 

MOVIE NIGHT PLANS

MAURICE MOSS  
TO:  ROY TRENNEMAN

Jen will be round at 7:00.  I’m surprised she didn’t cancel all-together.  That must have been some message you sent her!

Moss

 

RE:  MOVIE NIGHT PLANS

ROY TRENNEMAN  
TO:  MAURICE MOSS

Alright.

Yeah, guess so.

R

 

RE:  MOVIE NIGHT PLANS

MAURICE MOSS  
TO:  ROY TRENNEMAN

What did you say?  
  
Moss

 

RE:  MOVIE NIGHT PLANS  
  
ROY TRENNEMAN  
TO:  MAURICE MOSS

Why do you need to know?  No, scratch that: you don’t need to know.  

R

 

PLANS TONIGHT??

ROY TRENNEMAN  
TO:  JEN BARBER

Hey, Jen.  Just wondering if you had anything going on after work tonight.  We’ll definitely have your laptop fixed up by then, if you want to pick it up or something.  Moss was coming over to do a movie, anyway.  I’m sure he’d ask you over himself, but you know how he is with women.  Or anyone as intimidatingly wonderful as you are.

But really, you’re lovely and we’d love for you to stop by.  So I can make it through a movie Moss has seen a thousand times more than I have, if nothing else.  He said he wouldn’t give away the ending but I just know he’ll find a way.

Oh, I’ve got a spare room at my new place.  Not sure if I told you that or not… but you’re welcome to use it, in case the wine I’ve got ends up being any good.

I think that just about does it…  

We’ll see you tonight, Jen.

R


	2. Chapter 2

“It’s still not something you need to talk about, Moss.”

“Even here, now, with you?”

“Yeah… sure.  Let’s make it easy.”

“We need a new code for that sort of thing… for when you want me to stop talking.”

Roy shrugged and glanced at every door he could find.  Every possible exit, for when Moss inevitably kept talking, anyway.

“How about - okay - if Jen doesn’t talk about it, you don’t either?”

“Right,” Moss nodded, once per breath, “Got it.”

He began typing, instead. 

***

YESTERDAY EVENING  
  
MAURICE MOSS  
TO: ROY TRENNEMAN  
  
Thank you for having us over.  Remind me to bring my Countdown teapot, for the next time we have a SEOPVELRE; it may come in handy in the morning.

Moss

 

RE: YESTERDAY EVENING  
  
ROY TRENNEMAN  
TO: MAURICE MOSS

  _stop_

R

 

NO SUBJECT  
  
JEN BARBER  
TO:  ROY TRENNEMAN, MAURICE MOSS

 We need to talk about that.  You know.

 Who’s first?

Jen Barber  
IT Relationship Manager

 

RE: NO SUBJECT  
  
MAURICE MOSS  
TO: ROY TRENNEMAN 

I told you so.

Moss

 

RE: NO SUBJECT  
  
ROY TRENNEMAN  
TO:  JEN BARBER, MAURICE MOSS 

What’s there to talk about?

R

 

RE: NO SUBJECT  
  
JEN BARBER  
TO:  MAURICE MOSS, ROY TRENNEMAN

You’re right, nothing.  I mean, really.  Nothing happened, so there’s nothing to talk about. 

Thanks.

Jen Barber  
IT Relationship Manager

 

RE: NO SUBJECT  
  
MAURICE MOSS  
TO:  JEN BARBER, ROY TRENNEMAN

So, sharing popcorn, a blanket, and falling asleep on one another/one couch counts as ‘nothing’.  Good to know.  Or shouldn’t that just count as ‘friendship’? 

Thanks,

Moss

 

RE: NO SUBJECT  
  
ROY TRENNEMAN  
TO: MAURICE MOSS

 S T O P

 R

 

RE: NO SUBJECT

JEN BARBER  
TO:  MAURICE MOSS, ROY TRENNEMAN

Doesn’t Reynholm read our emails?

Jen Barber  
IT Relationship Manager

 

RE: NO SUBJECT  
  
ROY TRENNEMAN  
TO: JEN BARBER, MAURICE MOSS

I doubt he remembers how, anyway. 

R

 

COMPANY CONDUCT  
  
DOUGLAS REYNHOLM  
TO:  JEN BARBER, MAURICE MOSS, ROY TRENNEMAN 

I had hoped my relationship manager would be more capable of managing things, like relationships.  Especially within the company.

I have not received any sort of RSVP from this department regarding the company-wide fancy dress party, this evening on the top floor.

I do expect our resident bottom-feeders to make an appearance.  It’s good for morale.

I think I said something about a prize last time.  Something like a day off or lunch for the department.  Forgot.  Look at the other email, IT Pros.

Mr Douglas Reynholm  
Reynholm Industries, Spaceologist, BOSS, etc.

 

PARTY  
  
ROY TRENNEMAN  
TO:  JEN BARBER, MAURICE MOSS 

I’m not going.  Good luck on the costume thing.

R

 

RE: PARTY  
  
JEN BARBER  
TO:  MAURICE MOSS, ROY TRENNEMAN 

Oh come on, Roy.  It can’t just be two of us.  That would just make me look bad.

Jen Barber  
IT Relationship Manager

 

RE: PARTY  
  
MAURICE MOSS  
TO:  ROY TRENNEMAN  
  
I highly doubt there will be balloons.  Anyway, I never know what to dress as.

 Moss

  
***

  
“You have to go, Roy,” Moss insisted, with Jen nodding in both encouragement and agreement.

He sat with his arms crossed over his chest, and his feet crossed on the tabletop.

“Don’t have a costume,” he said, reaching for a magazine.  Jen arrived, only to slap his hand away.

“You _must_ have a costume,” she whined, “And you, Moss.  Don’t you?”

Moss shook his head.

“I started one once, but the wiring...” his voice trailed off, and Roy explained that the thought would never be finished.  Neither would the costume.

“Wait, you have got one though?  Really?”

“No.  Roy’s got them both packed up at his house somewhere.”

“Shh!” he threw the magazine down.

“Nothing surprises me anymore,” Jen explained, “I don’t care.  I’d probably like them, if I saw them.”

“I’m not going.”

“I’m gonna look around in my office,” Jen said, shrugging before she stood, “I’ll find you something.”

Despite the ‘ping’ from Moss’s phone several minutes later, Roy had to ask him multiple times to check it:

 

Thought of something.  
Still not going.  
R

 

What is it, Roy?  
Moss

 

Why don’t you and Jen  
just switch clothes?  
For a laugh, you know.  
And you’ve got that whole thing   
about women’s slacks anyway.  
R

 

I see.  What about you?  
Moss

 

I don’t know.    
I’ll figure something out.

 

So you ARE going!  
Moss

  
Just don’t tell Jen it was my idea  
Everything’s fine if YOU drag me into it.


	3. Chapter 3

“I think that’s how it always is,” Jen shrugged at the others, “I think, if you divide us up right, we can figure out just about anything.”

Roy mumbled in agreement, “Well, two out of three isn’t bad.”

“Yes it is,” Moss said, immediately, “It’s 66 percent.  It’s closer to halfway than it is to full.”

“Moss…”

“No,” Jen said, “That’s fine.  I could do with some statistics.  It all gets a bit confusing.”

The only other solid ‘statistic’ she was aware of was this; it had been exactly two years since they’d gone to the costume party.  They came in dead last in the contest, because, as Douglas was all too happy to admit, no one had noticed anything different about them.

“It’s like a trophy,” Douglas said, “After you’ve shagged someone.”

Jen had slapped him.  Roy encouraged her.  And Moss made no attempt at stopping them.

So, two years after that, they sat around at Roy’s place, with some film buzzing in the background, wearing each other’s clothes on purpose.  Well, two out of three of them were.

Jen saw no purpose or practicality in sharing hers.  She was content to sit there in one of Roy’s t-shirts, with one of Moss’s, unbuttoned, over it.  It was the best way to get them to do their laundry on time, anyway.

“What does this kind of thing require, as far as anniversary presents?” Moss relied on the preceding uncomfortable silence to make the question sound more normal.  And genuine.  

“It’s hardly an anniversary,” Jen’s tone was torn between embarrassment and confusion.  She didn’t think it was one.  But maybe it was.

“It’s not like we’re married,” Roy added.  Moss responded immediately.

“You ought to be.  You’re perfect for each other.”

Jen slouched back, reached for the remote, and muted the movie.  Roy glared after her for a moment, until noticing the subtitles were on.

“How do you figure?” she asked.

“You’re always telling him what to do, anyway,” Moss caught both of their confused looks, and rushed to add, “I mean that in a good way.  As in, she’ll tell you how to respond to people, or how to look at them.  And she would me, too, but I think she’s given up.  Haven’t you, Jen?”

She shrugged.

“You make it sound like I’m just constantly taking advantage of you.”

“No,” Moss said gently, “That’s what I’m here for.  In the middle.  Or something.”

Roy blinked heavily, in order to pull himself from the written words to the spoken ones.

“Huh,” he said, affirmatively.  Jen rolled her eyes at him.

“It seems like your ideal relationship, too, Jen.”

“I don’t have anything to compare it to,” she found herself scooting closer to Roy, with Moss following her, “I’ll have to take your word for it.”

I hate you.   
R

You love me.   
Moss

But about that gift…  
R

I have a few ideas.   
Moss


End file.
